Listening to this song, over and over again....放棄關於你的話題 終于可以不用缺席 甚至還表現的不再關心 從前你是傷的痕跡 現在不過是場回憶 忽遠忽近 我怕的是低潮來襲 這城市哪里夠冰寧 藏住我突然想哭的情緒 寧願失去過去勇氣 好過跟你冷戰退擊 這樣誰輸得起 原來分手是需要練習的 時間久了會變勇敢的 你慢慢出走 我漸漸放手 這不就是我們要的自由 但傷口好了會變輕松的 海闊天空不殘留一點痛 回頭看怕懦弱住前走怕墜落 但我一定能學會 在想你的時候不難過 Ya...i believe that 我一定能學會 在想你的時候不難過

Unbelievable, i drank (whisky) and i danced!!! i can't imagine (till now), i was soooo........well.......*speechless* I was even described as a "Good Drinker"!!...OMG, how would this adjective link with me?? Will they believe that i actually don't drink? Sabahan are natural drinker, it runs in their blood?? (plis laaa....) but i was really surprised when i realized i was still "ok" after a few glasses..some more "bottoms up" for once.....gosh!!! i even beat the others (while 1 of the guys vomited, aiya)! surprisingly i was energetic for the whole night long... However, i enjoyed, we all did!! I'll remember the moments where we danced like crazy!!! It was just crazy fun! Cheers to my frens & cheers to 291010 nite~ (it's ok...once in a while, let me become a bad gal...i know my "limit" anyway)

No matter how the world changes, i'll still remember your kindness.

天亮了 雨下了　你走了 清楚了　我愛的　遺失了 想要放　放不掉　淚在飄 你看看　你看　看不到 我假裝過去不重要　卻發現自己辦不到 說了再見　才發現再也見不到 能不能就這樣忍著痛淚不掉 說好陪我到老　永恆往哪裡找 再次擁抱一分一秒都好 你的笑　你的好　腦海裡　一直在繞 心碎了一地　撿不回從前的心跳　 傷心過去我無力逃跑 說再見　才發現再也見不到

Got to know some of my pep 16 frens hav been promoted, even within 3 years, due to compliment filling up. Suddenly i feel like, well, you don't need to be very good in your work. It's not the issue whether you achieved high in your KPI or competency rating. As long as there's a compliment, and ur performance isn't teruk sangat, then u'll be promoted. So in other words, i shouldn't stay in OSEC izit...since there'll be no compliment for E14/15 for the next 5 years...... B4 i left the office today, i was telling myself "balik la...kalau tak ade komplimen, kerja sampai kiamat pun tak akan naik" (i'm not sure y i used to think and tok in BM when i'm in the office). Actually i hate myself for thinking in this way, for being demotivated, for thinking negatively and for being calculative. I just hope to be happy going and leaving the office. Life has been so difficult, can i not to be complicated? Anyway, i really feel happy for Patricia. How lucky she is! and it'll be easier when i need to deal wif Kepong nx time since she's the pengurus of PP&P there.. It's ok WKL, this is called "rezeki"...like it onot...you still need to wake up at 5:15am tmr and start ur working day!

Time to insert a full stop. I'll prove to you that, i'll be good, very good. That's the promise to myself.

Time to dive into work, again. Time to experience the feverish pace, again.

"Mayb u're of Versace type and we're like...pasar malam type....u know, tat kind of thinking....till we tok and listened to u toking 'bout pasar malam...then only we felt like....oh ok....i feel more comfortable...." The normal perception 'bout me by others. The wrong perception. I hope i'm of Versace type but i'm not.

It's nice sitting in a car valued at RM700,000 in the market.... It temporarily satisfies my vanity. You said you would pay half of the price if i buy a new car nx time. Instead, I should be excited.... But i know, this isn't right and u're not the real happiness i'm looking for.

I'm confused. Should or shouldn't i? Although he's not my "dream guy"...I know he'll be a good bf, and even a good hustband. I know i'll be a happy person being pampered by him. I really feel touched for everything he has done to me all these while. The issue now is, even though he treats me nice, very nice, i don't love him.....ok, mayb i shouldn't use the word love here, i don't "like" him enough... I still hang on with him, because i'm afraid, one day i'll feel regret of letting go a nice guy, who treats me so nice and appreciates me of who i am. Huh, i know i'm selfish. At least, do allow me to be selfish, for at least some time. Ppl always say: It's better to find some1 who loves you more than you love him. I always remind myself "What if i really hav found some1, very rich, handsome....but he doesn't love me enough? i'll be the one who suffer at the end"....yea, i understand all the theories, i really do. But i'm really not ready for that because......ok, i admit that i still can't let go of my past relationship. It's really unfair for me to accept him at this moment. To be honest, i have no confidence towards love or relationship, anymore. Till today, i've just poured my real feelings towards 3 men... first, of course my 1st-ex, second, of course my 2nd-ex, and the third, huh..this is ridiculous, someone whom i know we won't hav ending right fr the beginning... I've met with so many guys after my break up. Well, someone VERY rich, yet, married...someone handsome and looks smart, yet, playboy and...pls forgive me to use the word "cheap"...macam2...yet, although i'm not smart, or being naive sometimes, i still can differentiate who sincerely treat me nice and who aren't, whom i can just treat as normal frens. I'm not into the game of easy-come, easy-go. I won't start a relationship if i'm not ready, or if i'm still uncertain. But i know i'll be a very good gf in my next relationship. =) I leave everything to God, to the fate.

Ija's baby boy was born in 27 April 2010! Visited her and the baby boy today. I was so touched! Suddenly i have the urge to get married and have a baby asap. Ya, i always have such feeling whenever i see babies =P They all commended...due to the seat setting, Ija looked at me most of the time during office hr, tat's why her baby is as fair as me!! lol When i was using the printer today, suddenly i thought of you. Huh? What will happen if the printer breaks down suddenly? Ija won't be here to help me.... =( I still remember............. the situation when your water bag pecah that day when you js finished your prayer in the room...erhem, well, u still acted steady nonetheless, haha... I still remember............ when we both waited for Prem in the carpark, you saw Prem was walking towards his car. U said "Nak naik mercedes tu ke?" i replied " Tak laa! dia ambil kunci kereta lain jer....hey, at this moment, u masih ade mood nak pilih naik kereta ape ke????".... We both laughed heartily, yea, u mentioned it b4, u didn't 1 2 naik kereta tu.....too low for you...... I still remember.......... we tried to cheer u up in the car, js to release your tension........u looked pale when you experienced the 1st contraction inside the car....... I still remember.......... when your hustband reached the hospital, we're 'bout to leave, b4 leaving, we hugged each other and i said "Be strong ya!......." i tried to give you a supportive smile, as much as i could. =) Gonna miss you.........and your laughter, very much! (aiyaa, why couldn't i separate in paragraphs??....arggghhhh)

I think i've changed, till a stage that i even doubt myself . Nowadays, i'll think bad and negatively 'bout others, i've learnt to be fake, i'll criticize others, i distrust even on the sincerity of others treating me nice and yes, i've started to haggle over every ounce and be calculative over gains and losses. I dunno wat makes me change. The working environemnt? No, i shouldn't blame on others 'coz i have the right and choice to think and act in a good and right way. Sometimes i'll console myself that this is the way (or strategy) to survive in a competitive world. I know this is wrong. This is just an excuse to make me feel better. I think and i hope it's not too late yet, to realize all these. I should regain my consciousness and be sober-minded.

I used to think that i was right, as long as i was happy and i didn't hurt anyone....

Mentally tired. Going back at 7++p.m. everyday. CMC, OSEC, GSL, MSL, DSL, Cust Charter, SIT, K-Portal...... I dunno till when i can sustain. Sometimes i really wonder, y can others be so free at work, yet management doesn't assign any work for them? padahal kuli like me, work is sooooo much and saturated dy, yet, still being assigned macam2 work?? =(

Been rouse up with force and spirit during clubbing till dao ping commented on the next day "Hey, you're really high last nite!" "Did i??"...haha, maybe she's right. I remember i was shouting while standing on the bench, looking at the fireworks...i was thinking and telling myself "2010 will be a new start for me, a happy one!" It's time to rest more and get ready for the coming working week....Yea, getting older, i need more rest..... ><